Generally speaking women are seen as the more emotional ones, but all human beings are full of emotions… including men. Both men and women have the same types of emotions but they are expressed in different ways. When I first read the article I chuckled because I have heard the same things many times before as I am sure most women have. My reaction was not one of anger or frustration because to some extent I agree that women can be more emotional then men. I thought back to my very first boyfriend when I was in high school and when we broke up how distraught I was.
I cried and I didn’t eat very well. It was like something inside me shut down. I constantly questioned myself, wondering what I had done wrong to make him leave me. I cried and pleaded with him, but was unsuccessful in my attempts because he said I was “too emotional and whiny”. I was only 15 at the time and I knew nothing about what love really was or what the emotions were that I was really feeling inside. It seems that for a few of the serious relationships after that it was like I had conditioned myself not to be too emotional around men regardless.
If something was bothering me, I didn’t cry or try to express how I was feeling because I didn’t want to hear the negative feedback that I knew I would receive. I read an article (although I don’t recall the name) that on average, men feel the emotion six times stronger than women do, but if you compare it to our environmental surroundings, you wouldn’t necessarily know it. I don’t think that men are insensitive; it’s just that they are raised to be tougher. When you see a young boy crying and he goes to his father, usually the dad says ‘Suck it up! Take it like a man! If a girl were to do that they’d be coddled, given a kiss where it hurts, and then tickled or something.
The environment and the psychological shaping of the child when he/she is young play into how they express their emotions as an adult. Women tend to be more expressive and less controlling of their emotions whereas men tend to bottle up their emotions, which in my opinion tends to turn into other intense forms of emotions (i. e. anger, depression, etc. ). I feel that emotions are acted upon according to the acceptable dictates of the society and culture we live in.
A man seeing another man express his emotions is often viewed as being “gay”. Men have always been expected to be the ‘cowboy’ the ‘rock’. They are the ones that bring home the bacon, keep away intruders, and do the ‘dirty’ work whereas women have always been delicate, quilting bees, having children, trying to create world peace and baking cookies. We are seen as the delicate sex (in my opinion) due to our men having the unbearable need to provide, care and protect for his family. If he cannot do that, then he is somehow less of a man and ashamed. It always seems to come down to pride when it comes to dealing with men.
I personally do not feel that gender or culture play a huge role into how I communicate with my boyfriend, family members or friends. I believe that open, honest communication is the key to success in any relationship. As I have gotten older (and hopefully wiser) I make it a point to express my feelings when something is troubling me. When I argue with someone we both say what is on our minds and leave it at that. I don’t always agree with their opinion and vice versa, but it doesn’t mean that because I am woman that I will automatically break down and cry or act erratically.
It’s the opinion of most of our society that men are supposed to be strong, show no weakness, shed no tears and women are the sensitive, unstable emotional ones that cry at the blink of an eye. I strongly disagree with how people choose to define the word emotional. When you look up the definition of the word emotional you will find adjectives to describe the word like expressive, open, and demonstrative. I know many men who act this way, but if you tried to call them emotional they would personally take it as an insult. My boyfriend is a man’s man.
He loves to watch sports, play football, wrestle and do all the other things that men like to do. He is very caring, affectionate and sometimes he is emotional; but that is a side to him that he will only allow me and a select few to see (and they don’t include his male friends). I remember when his grandfather died a few years ago he had to give the eulogy at the funeral. He was very hesitant about wanting to do it, because he didn’t know what to say or how to express himself (or at least he thought). I told him to tell me some of the fun things he did with his grandfather when he was younger.
He recalled many stories, but the one that touched him the most was when his grandfather purchased him a bicycle when he graduated from high school. It was the bike he had always wanted and 12 years later he still has the bike and rides it to this day. When he talked about getting that bike from his grandfather he started to cry. I didn’t look at him and say that he was weak or any less of a man because he cried. He hurt and he needed to release that pain. Sometimes men need to unleash that pain because I think they become so numb trying to live the way a man is supposed to, the way that is socially acceptable.
I always told my boyfriend that no matter what he was feeling he should never be ashamed to express the way he felt for fear of being made fun of. People are always going to have opinions regardless of what happens, so why become so intent on worrying about what others think before you then consider your own feelings. My boyfriend and I express our relationship in such a way that we do what is best for us, not how society views us based on the men versus women factor when it comes to emotions. It’s a given that culture powerfully influences thoughts, emotions and behaviors.
Culture is an important part of our blueprint for operation within our physical and social worlds. We are an insecure species and culture offers us a reduction of anxiety through its standard rules of thought, emotion and behavior. Culture offers predictability in an often unpredictable world. We see things through a cultural lens that tints, magnifies, shrinks and otherwise shapes our perceptions. Our culture is a mindset that we developed during childhood socialization. The structural integrity, coherency and stability of our personalities are rooted in our culture.
It is for these and other reasons that intercultural interactions can cause anxiety and arouses emotions. ” I can remember an incident very vividly that involved my friend from grade school named Danny Kiomoto; Danny and I are still very good friends to this day. Danny and his family lived in Hawaii for 7 years before coming to the US. Prior to Danny’s family going to Hawaii they lived in Japan for 5 years. One day Danny and his mother attended a parents’ day meeting at school. I remember the teacher praising Danny for his excellent work but Mrs.
Kiomoto started criticizing Danny in front of the whole room, referring to his poor time management skills, his failure to study enough, and tons of other flaws. She didn’t stop it until she saw that the teachers as well as everyone else in the room were mystified by what she was saying. I talked to Danny before writing this assignment and reminisced on that incident and asked him for his insight on what happened and his Japanese culture. I could remember wondering why his mother was so harsh on her opinion of his work when he was such an excellent student.
From our conversation I discovered that this is a classic example of a situation in which behavior learned in one culture is inappropriate in another culture. Modesty is highly valued in Japanese culture where it is usually expressed through negative criticism, but it is inappropriate in America and its school system, which is based on positive reinforcement of student effort. The Japanese view modesty as a virtue and try to be humble in all types of human interactions. They would prefer to be modest when others praise or applaud them.
Mrs. Kiomoto’s reaction to the teacher’s praise of her son is very common in Japan; however, it could have had serious consequences here had Mrs. Kiomoto unknowingly changed the teacher’s expectations of her son. I asked Danny if his mother normally reacted that way and he explained to me that his mother’s behavior was not typical because it is normally the male who speaks in a negative manner, not the woman. A Japanese woman usually remains silent while a Japanese man is speaking as a sign of respect and honor.
Danny attributes his mother’s uncharacteristic behavior to the fact that since his father was not present, his mother reacted in such a way that she knew her husband would. It is amazing that by learning to appreciate and understand other cultures, we can educate one another in more ways than we imagine. If the gender display roles in the workforce were geared towards women rather then men, the men would likely be in an uproar. Women have been working along time and have a lot of experience. In some instances some women are way more qualified then men for certain jobs in the workforce.
If the roles were to be reversed, imagine a man working for a company in which a woman was his boss and she was making much more money than he was yet he did the job and did it well, in fact better than her. This woman was not guiding him, nor adding to his experience. She is off essentially enjoying her personal life, going shopping, taking long lunches and as long he is doing her job, she is safe. Imagine being a man and having to fight and struggle to get somewhere, to just feel equal instead of having to compete with women.
Would the term “working men” become synonymous with “Slave”? Some men can not deal with the fact that a woman is more superior to him. Men could not handle watching women at the executive table negotiating deals or inviting clients to expensive lunches or playing rounds of golf to help charm them? The answers to these questions are that they would not be acceptable. The corporate world is viewed very much as a man’s world. Even though there are more women in the workplace, there will always be an inequality between a man and a woman in the workplace environment.
There is a ‘glass ceiling’ that prohibits women from reaching executive offices because of the fact that women want to become mothers. It seems that women are down right inferior in the work world. Women’s attributes are based on their physical, emotional, and social structures, rather than their overall ability to get the job done. It’s hard to say how exactly how one would promote harmony in their relationships, other than looking deep within to find the answers that allow them to be true to themselves and their beliefs. The stereotypes behind being a man or a woman should not define how you choose to express your emotions.
I found a passage from Romans 12 of the Old Testament stating, “Do not be conformed to this world…. ” People are so busy worrying about how others define them, how they are viewed for their actions, who they choose to love or the lifestyle they choose to live. This is not to say that you should run out and choose to live a reckless, carefree life, but rather create one that is peaceful and provides you with a healthy, happy balance overall. Children and adults should be free to express themselves in a manner other than what society has established for us to think or feel.
Men should be able to cry without fear of being made fun of. Women should be allowed to express their emotions without being made into an irrational psychopath. I would teach children to be respectful of everyone no matter what their gender or cultural differences are. The world is composed of so many cultures, each offering something unique to this world, whether it is good or bad. We can not diminish the fact that negative issues exist in our world, but we must allow ourselves to be influenced by interactions with other cultures to give us a deeper appreciation for the world we live in.
I would want our children to break away from the norms established about gender rules; to fight for a world that is equal in all aspects, whether it is race, gender, etc. The change needs to be made and seems that it can not happen with us so we hope that our children can help promote an understanding that can be socially acceptable with any culture. The various culture and gender barriers need to be broken to try and create some uniformity. Maybe this fascination only exists in a utilitarian world, but it would be nice to hope that our future children can break these barricades.
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